@%@$#^%%$&@&*$

slowpokes

2009-10-18T00:29:00.001+08:00

if you have been living on a different planet for the past few months and havent noticed i completely moved, here;
secondplace.tumblr.com

rage.

2009-09-07T01:46:00.001+08:00

SINGLE PARENT?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
FUCK. _|_

teneneng

2009-08-22T22:06:00.004+08:00

oh ya ive been posting stuff on tumblr for quite some time.
haha the posts are more channeled about elmmy and personal shit i guess.
ask me for the link if you wanna see it.
click for a clearer view.
(its about a cute conversation we had haha)

so common tests just ended and the fasting month has begun.
im dreading the days going by but at the same time excited.
im dreading the 29 more days of fasting,
and how the end of year exams are just 5 weeks away,
and how my O levels are so near as well ( ok la i know la next year but stress ok)
im excited about spending hari raya,
especially when elmmy and i have planned to wear matching baju hahahaha
oh and i'll get mooolahhh yes wooohooo moolah
and vacations with friends and family
anddd i dont know im just hfsudhgs, a happy hfsudhgs,
Uhhuh (:

Oh and i got a job.
Lol dad's gym on wednesdays.
The pay's good (y)
HAHA yes cause the boss is my dad.

ok im done im thirsty.

but....
hasnt anyone noticed that elmmy looks old when he smiles and there are wrinkles around his eyes???

lol.
cute tho.

music sounds alot better when i think of you.

2009-08-17T00:00:00.003+08:00

(we need to take pictures like this babe hahaha)

Hello baby, three months already huh, pretty amazing. Im pretty new to all this so im no good at monthsary thingies. Sorry ):

Anyway, i still dont know how to tell you how much i love you, im still trying. And i wont stop. But to tell you the truth i honestly dont know how to put these feelings into words. Because i doubt any big mumbo jumbo word would describe how i feel about you. To sum it up i wanna be what you deserve.

Haha! (shh elmmy i know you know what the haha's for lol)

I just want to breathe you in. I could spend hours and hours trying to make you laugh just cause seeing you laugh makes me feel so alive. I love your laughter. It makes everything feel so googly hahaha and yes wiggly. Then we'll dance like idiots at the bird watching place again. I loved that day (:

Thank you for being there for me when im being a pain in the ass.
Thank you for inspiring me, for picking me up and for pushing me forward.

I love you. (I could tell you a million times and i would still want to say it again, honestly)

3 months alr elmmy! 3 months! And i hope this doesnt end.
oh god no.

angry

2009-08-13T18:05:00.003+08:00

hell im fucking annoyed.
i took new photos and i thought it was all transferred properly to the computer so i didnt check the folders before deleting the photos from my camera.
fuck they were pretty pictures.
what's gotten into me!

oi elmmy wake up wake uppppppppppppppppp.
i need you now ):

insecurity equals unease.

2009-08-11T18:14:00.002+08:00

my long weekend went great.
four days spent with my baby was all i needed.
love you elmmy.

i miss alot of my friends so much.
ive been so busy with school and stuff ive lost track of things.
lately my schoolwork's been improving,
some other stuff's still the same.

low self esteem's still getting the best of me.
it still drags me down deep into the depths of the waters of depression haha.
or maybe it's just today, maybe today's a bad day, i dont know for sure.

all i do know is errrrrrr
ok i know nothing really.
ha.
sometimes i wish i had a twin so i could trade lives with.

(i might move to another site and delete this blog. )

2009-08-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

Im sorry baby i just feel so helpless sometimes.
God if youre there please help me.
I know im strong.

im sorry baby.

2009-08-04T18:36:00.002+08:00

but all i can do is hug you and tell you everything's going to be alright,
anything to make you smile again.

you think you know how much i love you.
(you have no idea.)

haiya headache haiyaah

2009-08-02T22:34:00.004+08:00

i have so little time left, so little its scary. very ok.
tests are coming, im scared.
i cannot screw up this time.
later elmmy bite. damn. jabidah help!

& it sucks that im getting lesser money to spend or save because of the goddamn medical bills. shitpissfuckcunttttt angry ok i didnt ask to get sick and i didnt want to see all the weird doctors who think im crazy.

& i hate the teachers, all of them like seriously. ok except Mdm.A and Ms.T.
Mdm.A is just awesome in all sorts of ways, i love biology cause of her.
Ms.T is fun because she gives me chocolate and gummies to make me feel good.
the others are such blood suckers. especially Mr.L.
ew ew ew ew the eyebrows oh the horror!

i miss shopping ._.
oh my god i want dresses ok and errr shirts.
and my hair to grow fast.
and my old nehs back hahhahaha losing weight not so fun la actually.
hahaahhahaahah cb.

ok you know,
one night i had a dream that i was blogging about how i had a dream which i forgotten about so i didnt really type about the dream but i typed about how i forgot about the dream. but i forgot what happened in the end. omg dejavu! hahahehehohehahububu. get it get it?

i miss my family. raudhah yes you. and sakina uhhuh. and everyone even atuk. yes atuk. but nenek the most. i miss your hugs nenek! if only you read my blog lol.

speaking of nenek, im sure all of you have heard the nenek jual keropok story shit,
thursday night there was a knock on my door. loud.
my little sister and i were like *GASP!* and we were like looking at each other like O.O
and then my brother went out of his room cos he heard the knocking on the door and he was like O.O, so the three of us were like O.O
and then, i ran behind a wall, my sister hid behind the sofa armrest, my brother went to check the peephole.
i was like "Dont do it abang, dont!" but he peeped anyway.
and then he turned to me and my little sister like :O!
then my sister and i were like "Mamaaaa!!!" yeah literally we were yelling for our mom because my brother was opening the door slowly.
"Yakult!" the yakult nonya FINALLY cried.
Then everyone laughed. Cb this is why guys should never be trusted. Suspense ok suspense.

ok but elmmy isnt a guy, he's a raccoon. very trustworthy raccoon ok happy? hahaha ily butthead.

as you requested

2009-07-30T21:26:00.009+08:00

Elmmy,
I love you. I love who you are. Im proud of you. I love your flaws and perfections. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me angry and you make me so incredibly happy and i love all that. Sometimes you scare me, and i love that too. You make me think, sometimes when i dont want to. Im greatly thankful for that. You are a wonderful, complex human being, and you inspire me to be better, so much better. So i love you.

I keep thinking about our first date, and how our palms were sweating, how i was shaking when i gave you one mentos, about how we talked about things so random and how you chased after the last bus home for me, and oh, how i felt all warm and content and happy when i got home. Elmmy i still laugh and smile at myself just thinking about how i kept peeling the skin from your finger cause i wanted your attention. What-the-hell zimah, but i guess i must have done something right cause look where we are now! I know, only coming to about three months, but its really big for me. Never thought this was possible for someone like me.

I love it when you wink at me. Like i still get tingles from my toes all the way up to the tip of my head. I still get weird butterflies (and im smiling at the thought of it as im typing this). I love it when you kiss my forehead when i cry and hug me so tight as if i was slipping away. I love it when you push the hair away from my face and look into my eyes when you talk to me.

You found me when noone else was looking, and i thank everything that brought you and i together. Seriously i have never been this happy. You opened up my eyes. Everything's much clearer now and im so thankful for that. And Elmmy thank you so much for listening to me, to what i have to say about everything, everything you ever heard about me, about my pasts. I swear im a changed person and i wont ever let you down. I promised.

I am really excited to see how our story turns out. I think its going to be a really really really good one.
I hope it never ends.

Take that, paragraphs! I get 5000 points tyvm :P

less tense.

2009-07-19T22:23:00.005+08:00

cheeks too chubby
getting bitten by the elmosquito all the time
not really but yeah
not fair he bony boy.
):

watched HP6 today with mum and dad. was okay. kinda dissappointing though. ok tomorrow i have malay creative writing camp thingy at err i forgot where.
awh poop, i end at 6!

oh no.
i need mo' clothes.

oh wait i loved yesterday when elmmy and i went for a picnic but i couldnt take pictures cause my brother borrowed my camera.

i took a very gay picture of him with my phone's lousy camera though.
contact me if you wanna take a look.

:P

tense.

2009-07-19T21:50:00.004+08:00

because im fat
because im on medication
because im inadequate
because im dissatisfied
because im crazy
because im an idiot
because im a bad sister
because im a worse daughter
because my nose is humongous
because my hair annoys me
because my nails are weak
because i have bad skin
because i have bad allergies
because i have a disorder
because i hate my fucking form teacher
because i hate h1n1 for fucking cancelling the drama performance at arts house
because i hate my fucking moodswings
because i hate fucking running out of fucking money

!!!!!!!!

0108 | 170509 | a post for Elmmy.

2009-07-17T23:15:00.007+08:00

i hate it when you're mad or feeling sad.
sweetie im here. smile for me, i like seeing your teeth.
i love your laughter. pretty strange, honestly, but i like it cause its yours.
i like surprises, and youre amazingly unpredictable.
i love the way you make me laugh til i cant breathe and make my tummy feel like exploding.

two months have passed and i still cant believe its happening
cause i used to think stuff like this wasnt for me.
somehow you managed to pick me up when i was lower than i could ever remember.
im a little better as a person than before because of you.
im still an idiot now but im making progress cause i used to be an asshole.

i know its hard but you'll get through this,
just keep holding my hand tightly
and i promise you'll be alright
because it broke my heart watching you hurt and that made me realise
i would do anything to protect you,
or make things okay again.

we're going to be alright hun,
i still wake up every morning wanting the first thing i see to be you.

although i get my moodswings sometimes, i try my best to give you all i can because i dont want to fuck this up.
oh and sometimes its just the medicine im taking that's causing the moodswings,
bear with me on this okay?

so now tell me, whats first in your list?

again.

2009-07-15T19:02:00.002+08:00

Note to self; Never highly expect/look forward to something until you start dreaming about it.

Mood swing? Not quite.
I'm busy. No time for big updates.

):

2009-07-12T01:38:00.003+08:00

Hi,
my neck hurts and i cant breathe and my heart's beating real fast suddenly now.
again, 3rd time today. like weirdo. eeee. weirdo. eeee.
didnt get to see fireworks. i like fireworks.
oh well.
im sleepy.

bedtime

2009-07-11T02:22:00.001+08:00

ive been needing this a lot lately.
but tonight i need this now.
goodnight.

wheres my picnic basket

2009-07-11T01:26:00.003+08:00

Damn I wish stuff like this were possible in Singapore. Oh foo.
I would sit up there at night alone watching the stars watch me.
But it would be great if you'd watch them with me too.

Okay im dead beat from today. Elmmy and I went out to watch The Haunting In Connecticut and it was good, but not great. Then we chilled at a secret place where all secrecy is secret. And then we left for home since it was getting late. Woohoooo so much Elmmy in my veins, i've been meeting him up in the morning before we both went to school i love this.

Plans this weekend got fucked up real bad. Like eee dont like. Oh well like i said in a post way back, i cant look forward for something too much. ): But Elmmy you know what i said. Its been a really long time.

Anyway, I dont know what's gotten into me recently but its scaring the shit out of me and only my parents, my classmates and Elmmy knows what happened and im planning to keep it on the down low. Apparently its cause it happened at home and at school and well i just needed to tell Elmmy. Moving on.

School's been fine, Ive been good.
Theres a new cafe, but still kental.
Schoolmates getting very annoying.
Well, some of them.
Ew.

Oh and i had octopus balls thingy for the first time ever just now (the Tako Pachi thingy), and omg i love it hahahahahahaha and i ate weird food today.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee fireworks tomorrow!

Frankly dear, i dont give a damn.

2009-07-05T23:50:00.003+08:00

What did I do to you? Nothing, I gave my all. Something in you has changed. Time for you to face reality, you're stuck on yourself. The best of the best just became the worst of the worst. Suck it up.

Okay maybe youre just too fucking blind to see that the stones you stepped on to get to the top have turned to dust. Go fucking kiss someone else's ass. So fucking sick of this. But I already knew shit like this was bound to happen. Its so fucking typical. Haha I've been nice and I get stepped on? Who the fuck are you kidding? You dont know me well enough to start talking about me. So just fucking shut up and save it for someone who would actually give a fuck. I've been through this so many times before already so im pretty numbed right now and i wouldnt feel a thing if something swung back at me. Ive lost so much because of this already. Haha woah damn sometimes i hate being nice. Then again, being nice all the time doesnt pay off. Lets just say i dont give a flying fuck anymore for what you have to say. Because right now, youre shit to me until the day you die. (:

Dont bother asking.
Turning in, au revoir!

dah kahwin

2009-07-05T23:42:00.002+08:00

yeah we got married.
psyche.
im sorry. i couldnt think of anything to blog about.
....
OK NOW I DO.

ile

2009-07-03T00:23:00.006+08:00

" How could i have ever said i felt so alone,when the world's right here with me wherever i go?

cry me a river, dickface.

2009-06-30T22:47:00.003+08:00

Took this from Cherating's beach. No biggy.

Ive been really busy, and i think im gonna remain busy til like the end of the year. i'll update every now and then when i have the time. currently im down with fever and a cold and coughs, but im still going to drag my ass back to school everyday. time for a change. im not going to fuck this up anymore. im not going to fuck my grades up. And recently ive been down but its okay im trying my best to cope with these shit everyday. Its like a routine already. Okay, gotta get back to my assignments. Til next time, folks!

nothing good ever comes out from snooping around.

2009-06-26T02:11:00.005+08:00

You don't have to be so scared, you don't have to go tonight.
I just need to hold on tight for one hell of a ride.
And we lost it all just now to the nights that left you out.
So we'll let this go somehow. But you're gonna be proud,so proud.
And I just needed you to pick me up like you did when we were younger, when the lightning and the thunder had me clinging to your heart.
For someone to lift me up when I'm down and I'm forgotten, you'll forever be my father and I'll be saving tears in jars for this one.

How can I fit all these words into such a simple verse.
It's the last time that we'll speak so listen to me please.

Did you know that you're my heart and it hurts to be apart.
And this cut it hurts so deep so sing me to sleep.

paps do you remember i used to call you my hero.
you used to carry me and embraced me warmly whenever i was scared and fragile.
you used to tuck me in at night, and tell me stories.
all kinds of stories that i know now were just fiction, but i believed them anyway.
i believed everything you told me, you always knew everything, all the answers.
the strength i had came from you. i wanted to be so much like you.
things are different now. ive grown and youve changed.
you say you love us so how could you do this?
the spaces get wider and wider, sooner or later maybe you'd even forget all about me.
but no. no matter how much shit i find out snooping around, shit that makes me angry and mad, no matter how many times i say i hate you, i never really do.
maybe one day i'll fully trust you again, and you would love me like before.
for now just help me find a way out from this, i still need you.
you'll forever be my father, and nothing can change that.

im back. now what?

2009-06-25T00:16:00.004+08:00

hey yeaah bitches im back.
i just published the previous post like 5 mins ago because the second i wanted to publish it on friday, the computer went nuts.
so probably very little of you knew i was away.
now you know why i never picked up calls or replied to texts.

okay.

now elmmy's away and i miss him already. ):
actually i miss alot of people.
my friends, all of them. very. very badly ):
dont forget meeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~
but everyones changing. it sucks.

hmmkay Cherating was not bad. took quite alot of pics so yeahh i'll put them up in multiply when i have the time.
i think i got food poisoning from eating roadside food cause i keep vomitting and feeling lightheaded.
nyehhh and i havent completed my goddamn assignments because the computer's a fucking bitch. but im lazy.
plus im broke.

yes very moody lately.
its pretty recent actually.
i saw something i shouldnt have seen.

some people never change. liars.

2009-06-19T19:48:00.004+08:00

And tomorrow i would be flying off somewhere. Only some of you know about this so keep it on the down lowww. Well they were the only ones who bothered finding out how my holidays were gonna be like. Im leaving around dawn so im going to have to sleep early tonight! and when i return on the 24th, Elmmy's leaving for three days on a cruise to Redang. 7 days without him would feel like years now oh my god~

Apit woke me up this morning to tell me to meet him to get back my camera. Ok no, it was in the afternoon. Damn i sleep like a pig. But i wasnt the only pig. Cause when i called elmmy he just woke up too. So yeah i spent some time with him before 7 days of not meeting with each other.

Ive been busy and a little distracted these few days. Only God knows why, if he had been listening. Yeah so thats mainly the reason why i havent been updating.

A big F-YOU to you, for pissing me off the other day, just walking out on me. Im not fucking eating the medicine you bought. Yeah i throw it out the kitchen window when youre not looking. I'll lie to the doctors to make you look good. Let whatever's gonna happen, happen. I just dont fucking care anymore (:

Heh so im pretty excited and a little sad. Im not going to get to see SF perform tomorrow, and im not going to see Elmmy for 7 days.

last night

2009-06-13T21:13:00.003+08:00

you know the one thing that ticks you off the most. the one that makes you feel insecure and furious at the same time. the one that makes you cry everytime you think too much about it. the one that tops the time your bestfriend stabbed you in the back. the one that tops the time you saw your dad texting "i love you"s to someone else other than your mother. the one that drove you to do stupid shit. the one that drove you drowning deep in the waters of depression, making you hope something good would fish you out and youre still waiting. the one that's making you take anti-depressants every morning. the one that tops the frustration of battling your eating disorder that you arent keen of stopping at all even if its killing you. the one that's still eating you up from the inside after so long.

im still getting up and moving. but i cant shake this off.

and i dont get why people have to be fucking _________________________!
fuck. seriously.

bad day, rly bad day. i need you now really, but fuck, someone said ________________.

fofofofofofofofofofofofo!!!!

2009-06-13T00:45:00.001+08:00

THIS IS HOW I FUCKING FEEL.

To whoever who forgot me, you are a degenerate person,
I blame you for humankind's regression into the darkness of ignorant slothfulness.

overdue pictures / picture-only update

2009-06-09T14:35:00.015+08:00

6th June.

corny i know hahaha.aaaaah my hair! the wind!my face looks very weird here i dont know why.ok the nose.and example of very bad eyebags due to late night CS playing.
+ macam paham copy Julz' picture of Kurt's eyes. HAHA.
31st May.

"HEY!":O

-.-

too much.

2009-06-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

on hiatus.

not good enough?

2009-06-04T23:27:00.001+08:00

mood: discontent/unsatisfied/wtf-am-i-doing

my english is getting horrible.

2009-06-02T17:22:00.002+08:00

azimah says:
cannot text you so much and cannot meet you so much but must still meet or else i cry hahaha

elmmy says:
why cnt text me?

elmmy says:
omgggggg

azimah says:
no like mcm when youre in schl and stuff i'll be like text me aft sch then i can studyy

azimah says:
must concentrate one

azimah says:
i think about you all the time you know

elmmy says:
u think i dnt?

elmmy says:
i also do the same thing

elmmy says:
pretend that ur beside me

elmmy says:
like when i read ur msg. i smile alone

azimah says:
hahaha autism

blame it on time.

2009-06-02T12:44:00.005+08:00

i had a meltdown last night while webcamming with elmmy.
told you i think alot.

okay the truth is im still deathly afraid of this. love.
although i dont know what it really really means,
i know i have already lost so much.

so much.

there wuz bloooodddd ooooooohhhzzz

2009-06-01T20:13:00.000+08:00

k there you go!

whatever.

2009-06-01T19:52:00.004+08:00

So you think it's that easy?
So you think it's that easy being me?
Fuck, just fucking shut up.
You have no fucking idea what its like okay?
Ive had enough of you pushing me down.
Enough.

--

Why is the Raccoon asleep, its night time! ):
Wake up i need you now wake up wake up wake up wake up.

Oh and by the way i pierced my eyebrow on my own, by myself.
Satisfaction. For now.

I havent eaten anything the whole day except for a few scoops of peach and mango yoghurt.
Im hungry.

"now you dont need to."

2009-05-30T15:01:00.009+08:00

Dear You,
i wish i told you what i needed to tell you.
maybe i shouldnt have left the post where i needed to tell you things full of underscores for you to "fill in the blanks".
maybe i should have told you everything the night you fell asleep on my lap.
i will miss you.
we knew this would happen eventually anyway. you know you cant give me what i need.
i dont even know if you know this is for you and if you even read this blog anymore.
i hope you read this last one im ever going to type about you.
i havent typed about you for a really long time.
but im not going to keep going on and on cause its pointless,
plus whatever i have to say about you, ive written it in your birthday letter.
i still hope you will open it on your birthday, no earlier.
til next time,
takecare of my hippo.

Yours sincerely,
the girl who used to have fish powers.

--

yesterday elmmy and i wanted to go to marina barriage but we missed the last bus to there.
it was because of the parent teacher meeting (which went surprisingly well despite my icky results).
we ate at lau pa sat and walked around clarke quay and city hall until our feet hurt.
on the way home i had to meet my brothers so he didnt get to send me home, im sorry love.
sat with my brothers and their friends and macdonalds and then went home with my eldest brother on his bike.
i fell asleep while texting elmmy like again, im sorry!!!

cant wait to see you again raccooooooooooooooonnnn~
♥

ting ting ting

2009-05-28T21:22:00.004+08:00

Elmmy thinks he looks like a hamster. I dont think so. He looks like this.
A raccoon. How cute. The dark circles and fuzziness and ok not fuzziness but maybe he stands like this. Oooh~

Oh nose i want to go for a holiday cause everyone else is going and i feel left out, how sad. Or at least go to sentosa cause i haven't been there for a long time. But before going to sentosa i would have to buy stuff because im in need of a lot of stuff. Sighhh and im pretty broke ): Job during the holidays? Urggggggggggghhhhhhh. Plus im gonna have to study alot on my own cause i really have to buck up. Fuck, this holiday is going to suck. Suck the fucking life and living daylights out of me whatever that meant!

Ok zimah dont get pissed control control. My mum was told to remove my weighing machine from my room and hide it from me. I was told to stop thinking too much and try to calm down and just breathe and not lose my temper so easily. I hate the psychiatrist.

I have no idea what else to type about cause all i can think about is the raccoon and how its staring at me now ahhh helpppp!!!!

-.-

mental slavery

2009-05-27T14:44:00.006+08:00

I dont feel a thing, actually. Maybe im just jaded. I have done okay in my Mid Years. Not, perhaps, as well as i should have, but certainly not as bad as i thought it would be. Everything is going the other way round. To think about it, i havent had control over situations for a long time. Shit. My body has a mind of its own.

Maybe im pushing myself too much. Im only human, i cant do all the things on my to-do list all at once. Im not perfect. Im irresponsible and impulsive and ignorant and so many other words could define my imperfection. Like the many words that couldnt. How did i get here anyway? But theres no turning back now, and somehow i love it.

Anyhoo tomorrow i would be skipping school for an appointment at SGH. I dont really feel like talking to anyone except you though. The upside, however, is that i get excused from NAPFA tests tomorrow. I told Alvin i would be giving him my famous chewy brownies in school tomorrow too. Hagagagaga psyche!

Im hitting dad's gym again today to work some extra baggage off. Gonna do this pretty regularly now since holidays are coming and i already lost some weight so its gna be easier to bring sexy back. Haha lol rofl lmao -.-

My waist is bruised because of elmmy. Help!

6 months

2009-05-25T15:04:00.003+08:00

I skipped school today because i woke up seeing my little sister still in bed, so i figured i'd go on and be lazy too. Talk about Monday Blues.

And this afternoon i realized its exactly 6 months it's going to be my birthday. I know, its 6 months, but i wonder who'd still be around and who wouldn't.
Its weird.
Last year i had the most amazing surprise celebration with some of the most loved people in my life. My closest friends.
And now i barely talk to some of them anymore. On the other hand, however, i grew closer to a handful though.
Its funny.
People, things change everyday. None of us can do anything about it.
I wonder who'd still be around.
So much for forever.

I've been losing track of things recently. Alot of things. Even time.
The nights feel like they get a little longer everyday. Whats going on?

Anyway, .....
.....
ok fuck i forgot what i was going to type about lalalalalallaalaaaaaaa.

so tired.

2009-05-23T23:49:00.003+08:00

To whoever who forgot me, you are a degenerate person,
I blame you for humankind's regression into the darkness of ignorant slothfulness.

Even as our eyes are closed, there’s a whole world that lives outside ourselves and our dreams.

I dont know why i feel lifeless other than the times i spend with you.
Theres just so much i cant handle and you keep them away from me whenever youre around,
like youre protecting me from the monsters and nightmares when i go to sleep at night.

Stay.

russian roulette

2009-05-20T17:37:00.001+08:00

why doesn't the fact that i could die from this scare me?
anti depressants? FUCK THAT.
psycho. bipolar. psycho. bipolar.
crazy. depressed. crazy. depressed.
i am neither.

two words : fucking amazing

2009-05-18T13:34:00.004+08:00

Have Heart Have Heart Have Heart Awesome Awesome Awesome Awesome!!!! 17 May 2009 was fucking awesome. If i were given the gift to turn back time, i'd turn back time to yesterday. No fucking doubt. Okay so there were the ups and downs of the day but it all summed up to a supersized UP! Haha whatever that meant!

Oh i got my camera back from Apit but i snapped zero pictures in the gig. I was lazy to carry around the camera, all i really wanted to do was just have fun. I took pictures of Ashikin and her siblings though. They're all so nice! Pleasure talking to you guys (: When i get pictures from Syed and some others, i'll upload them for sure. Especially the picture with me and Elmmy hahahahaah yay Elmmy!!!

My buttocks are sore are sore and my whole body aches. I have bruises on my hips and butt and arm and some scratches. It was all worth it HAHA. If you read Julz' blog, you would know why my buttocks are sore. If you dont, well, it was because, lets just say i have an iron butt and i broke a door twice. Yes with my butt. Yes, twice. Stop laughing. Eh Julz you still havent massaged my ass sia walau cheat my feelings only this girl. HAHA.

Hmm and yeah i fell when i got pulled in to the circle pit and i think i ran too fast or tripped on my own foot or something but i know the floor was slippery so i fell, somewhere near where Hakim was standing. HE LAUGHED SO LOUDLY WHEN I FINALLY STOOD UP. Paisey much?! I realised Julz fell too when we were walking back to where we stood initially. Hahaha jiwe! I still dont know who helped me up but whoever you are, thank you! I know Aidil helped, thank you Aidil. Elmmy crowdsurfed too near to me and his leg slapped my face thrice. It was two times that hurt. Haha i think your foot hates me. Chop it off and feed it to the zombie hamsters!

Oh wait, shit i have to post this although i feel like gagging at this yucky memory of the day. During Have Heart's set, during the last song, there was this singalong, and i got to the front la singing along and then this VERY tall angmoh guy wearing singlet and he had BUSHY armpits was beside me. Unfortunately his armpit got too close to my face. Impact! *slow motion icky face* Fuck. I washed my face soon after. Oh the horror.

Yesterday was beyond awesome and it started from 1.08 am hahahaha i know you know we know Elmmy hahaha. I'd definitely remember this.

PLUS~ Today, exams are officially over, fenito. Im going out to celebrate hahahahahaha isap but okay gig at f.a.d. yay!

a series of shit i'd like to say to certain people.

2009-05-17T13:10:00.004+08:00

so here goes;

well this was what you wanted anyway, wasnt it?
games and promises. you couldnt finish what you started.
Note to self : Nothing is permanent.

i dont understand why you bother caring.
its not the fact of the act its the lie in your eyes.
nothing you do is going to solve anything so stop trying.
bet you didnt see this coming the night everything changed.
im sorry im not sorry at all.

i'll be fine, dont worry.
just be there when i wake up.

>>>Today's Have Heart and i feel sick but im at the same time verrrrry excited!!!
Gotta get hyper gotta get hyper gotta get hyper im gonna enjoy the fuck out of myself wuuhuuu happykid yaay!

too much to handle

2009-05-14T14:56:00.003+08:00

“ I looked for an answer to my question. But reason could not give me an answer - reason is incommensurable with the question. Life itself has given me the answer, in my knowledge of what is good and bad. And that knowledge I did not acquire in any way; it was given to me as to everybody, given because I could not take it from anywhere

p.s i need you now so w h e r e a r e y o u.

fruit scented markers

2009-05-13T15:58:00.003+08:00

but i will never stop
no amount of therapy or counseling or screams or slaps would stop this
its eating me up hell yeah eats eating me up and soon there wont be any of me left.
im sorry. haha not really. bipolar bipolar azimah is bipolar.
i cant see the exits. i feel like shit.

--

I know yesterday i did a little crappy. I didnt finish the last paragraph of my second essay. Ah well. Bio went okay today. I dont think im going to get A1 this time round but whatever i dont really care. Tomorrow's E Math paper 2. Friday's literature and i hate literature because of Ms Deepa so why bother! The bottomline is : im psyched for Have Heart. (insert schoolgirl shrieks)

I did a series of good deeds today. I taught some of my friends about some Bio stuffs to help them understand even when it meant i had to wake up earlier than everyone else. I offered an old lady a seat in the bus and that made her smile. Her smile made me smile. Lol joy from strangers. Oh yeah and i got off the bus a stop early and walked with my sister home when i saw her walking all aloney. Okay thats not really a good deed but it's been a long time since i walked with her. Okay i have tution later and afterwards meeting up with the furry rodent again for help with E Math revisions.

I missed 90210 again last night. Fuck. Now im pissed.

--

Honey cut me a new smile
I cant decide on things lately
But atleast just stay for awhile
I'll be okay soon, just maybe.

please uh?

2009-05-11T10:05:00.002+08:00

for once, could you stop forcing bullshit down my throat???
could you could you could you could you????

give me a break.
kitkat!

cause everything's cool as long as im getting thinner.

2009-05-09T15:34:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was weird but fun.
it was fun because it was weird.

Ange and I saw trannies and two dudes kissing and weird looking dudes and hot models with weird hair and there was this guy with eyeliner on who came up to us thinking we were uhm very much older. Earlier in the day a guy entered the train holding only a clipboard with one piece of paper on it and he was drawing weird cartoons while walking around the train when there were seats. He had weird solid hair. And later in the day a weird old man was looking at me weirdly and it creeped me out goddamnit. Cootiesssss~

Hmm i have no plans today but i maybe meeting a furry rodent later at night hahahahahaha shh. Bio's on tuesday and im still going out wooohoooo i have a life unlike you people hahaha not rly.

--

okay i need to lose more weight cause its killing me that people think i look the same as last time arggggh. and the only ones saying i lost weight are my parents and schoolmates because maybe theyre just being nice cause theyve seen the fcking scars and know about the counselling sessions hahaha ohmygaaaad they must think im a tormented soul lolzz emozx. isap pls thx bye.

ughhh thirsty omg im craving for yoghurt and hugs! (takde link bodooooooooh)

hehe moodswing
(:
|:
):

minute by minute, hour by hour, forever.

2009-05-06T23:11:00.001+08:00

Still, there was something so strange and tender about those nights when i just sat with him, my arms around him, wondering what happened that brought him here, why i needed him so much. It reminded me of the peace of mind that comes from knowing someone is so close while you sleep that the worst of the monsters and nightmares can't get to you. Maybe i just had to get away. Get away from all the monsters. The nightmares. We would stay that way until it got a little too late. I'd kiss him goodnight. When i got home I went back to my own bed feeling warm and content. I'd close my eyes, alone in my room, remembering him breathing and wonder who he saw, or found, in dreamland.

tired eyes.

2009-05-06T15:31:00.005+08:00

Today was okay. Just a plain, mediocre, okay.
I pretty much screwed up the SS paper.
I did my essay first cause i was afraid of forgetting stuff but i wrote really slow.
I didnt get to finish my source-based questions.
But i guess its okay.
As for Math, I got to do MOST of the questions.
Pretty okay I guess.
When am i going to do better than okay?
zzzzzzzzzzzt

Chem paper's tomorrow. Bummer.
What happened this morning before i left for school completely silenced me.
What the hell am i doing?
Im pretty sure i can get through this, i just dont know how.
Im sorry mama.

And im suddenly feeling the desperate urge to slip into a deep trance and be completely unaware of anything else, if you know what i mean.
Hahaha damn i still remember how pathetic i was when it came to dealing with shit.
But no. Not now. Not ever. Never again.
I have better things to do and i promised.
I know they say promises were meant to be broken but if i broke this one i wouldnt have the chance to tell you im sorry cause youre gone.

--

Frolick is awesome, who doesnt know about Frolick, go try some, you'll fall in loooooove.
Frozen Yoghurt is the current sex.

stfumfcfw!

2009-05-05T16:24:00.003+08:00

its been a few weeks.

Just a little cut?

i still miss youuuuuuu.

2009-05-05T13:44:00.002+08:00

im pretty content that my language papers were doable
and i think, i really think i improved.
perhaps i did. maybe i didn't. oh well time will tell.
then again, like i said im not expecting anything at all cause that way i wouldn't be disappointed if i didn't do as well or failed as badly as i thought.
hmm and tomorrow i'll have SS and E Math paper 1 so wish me luck.
and i really need time to chill or watch a movie or something cause of _________.

haha i should stop doing the fill in the blanks thingies its probably getting annoying for you guys but what the hell im enjoying this so haha okay wuuhuuu.

i need footwear
and a new skirt
and pants or a belt cause all my pants are freaking loose
and underwear i swear banglas are stealing em again
and an atm card lol
i keep my money in a freaking envelope for god's sake wtf!
not even a piggy bank...... an envelope.
-.-

nyeaaaaah losing it losing everything please dont fall apart all at once stay together for the kids!!!!

he's the star of my naughtiest fantasies please

2009-05-03T00:03:00.004+08:00

mmmmmmmmmm yummyyyy~~~ mine mine mine mine mine mine!

four letter lie

2009-05-02T04:49:00.010+08:00

Im sorry if i got all quiet at the time and that i lied that nothing was on my mind
and then you fell asleep on my lap.
But actually i needed to say some stuff and all i really wanted to say was ______________.
And if _________________ and _____________.
So its really hard to think when ________________________.
Cause at the end of the day __________________ and _________________.
But i just cant _________________.
Its like im _______________.
I just hope youre ______________ and that ___________ because ____________.
Im sorry, im just a little __________________.
Its just hard when ______________.
And i really do _______.
I'll _____________.
It isnt ______________ right?
I dont want to _______________ cause im really afraid of ____________.
Ah well, but _______________ and yeah ____________ but everything ___________.
Yeeeeaaaah I should stop.
I hope i see you soon hun ♥
(lol fill in the blanks sendiri. :P )

p.s. do not open the envelope until your birthday, i trust you.
p.p.s. i never done this for anyone at all so help me make this work okay?
p.p.p.s. mcm sweet kan HAHA.

oh and lol picture not related to anything i type here rly i just like em hahaha.

cause you give me life.

2009-04-30T17:57:00.005+08:00

"Close your eyes, and imagine.."
then he leaned in and kissed my lips. Soft, gentle.

Time stopped.
I start to fall.
We talked under the stars until the next day.

--

And I don't know if I'm being foolish,
don't know if I'm being wise
But there's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look into your eyes

And I don't know if you're an illusion,
don't know if all i see is true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you.

p.s. i miss you.

enough.

2009-04-27T15:55:00.004+08:00

im going on hiatus.
this would be the last post for a few weeks.
mid years start next week and im in trouble.
i have to have to have to have to have to pass my math or else i'll retain.
i can do this!

i miss my friends.
things are changing.
i hate this but nyehhhhh.

but right now i have to focus.
k go azimah go!
persevere! commit!

sighhhhhhhh the stars leave me for morning!

messenger

2009-04-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you fucking talk to me im fucking clueless what the fuck is going on i dont fucking understand this is making me mad and confused and smad and what the fuck i dont need this now cause all i really wanted to say was i missed you and i miss talking to you like we used to like nothing ever happened like i never told you what i told you!!!!!!!!!!!

i was afraid this was going to happen.
dont tell me im gna lose another friend.
pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase ):

trouble.

2009-04-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

i would suffocate you with kisses only if you wouldnt die.

im not kidding this time.

but they wouldnt anyway.

2009-04-24T14:35:00.007+08:00

why do i even bother caring what happens next.
you're doing the same shit all over again.
you were right, you never changed.
ever.
you still dont care.

--

korat/manx/moobman i miss you.

hang in there sweetie.

2009-04-23T16:49:00.003+08:00

im tired.
my head's swooning.
i took too much medicine.
by-fucking-accident.
so don't get the wrong ideas.
i don't know what subject to start studying on.
i have like three tests tomorrow.
mid years are coming in two weeks.
two goddamn weeks.
God, give me more time.
appointment at the hospital would have to be changed because of the stupid exams.
and i don't think they're giving me a chance for the trip.
i knew it all along.
complete bullshit.
and i still dont know how ive changed.
im sorry if i disappointed you.

im pissed.
dont bother.

haiyah

2009-04-20T16:45:00.002+08:00

okay so maybe i shouldnt have deleted posts when i got frustrated.
now i feel like reading the posts from 2007 but theyre all gone!
ah well.

let

it

goooo!

damn i need a popsickle.

time

2009-04-19T13:59:00.002+08:00

we have so little left.

say goodnight to dreams that wont be realised

2009-04-18T11:43:00.002+08:00

This morning i got out of bed and walked around the house feeling all dizzy and the next thing i knew i was on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

There was this emptiness in my head, there was nothing. Did i pass out, because for a moment, i wasnt actually thinking of anything at all? Did the voices in my head finally stop screaming for a while?

But as i laid there, there was this silence, almost deafening.
Just as i closed my eyes to savour the moment, they start screaming again.
The silence was temporary.

I think ive fallen into a semiconscious dreamland where nothing is quite real.
What's in front of me is never what it seems.

For so long i've been watching everything go by, watching everything change, searching for the answers to so many questions unanswered.
Why do people stay alive? Why do people die? Why do people fall in love? Why do people fall out of it? Why do people dream?

For so long I've been distracted with the refusal to accept the world as unfaltering reality.
My first habit was blinking so rapidly, my vision of the world became an unlivable wash of colour, a divine creature's hand smearing perfect images into smudges.
An effort to convince myself nothing is permanent.

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
So should we want nothing because we're desperately wanting everything?

Every time everything goes terribly wrong and i panic, it builds like a fist closing around my neck and i'd try to shake myself awake, heart beating, only to go back and pick up in the same place, again.

I dont really know what i want right now.
Whats the use of trying when you know in the end everythings going to fall apart anyway?
Hell, but we're all only given one life to live.
Might as well bite the bullet and go on with it.

God all i ask for is for some light as to where i should go from here.
Everything's so dark, nothing's going quite right.

Then again, life was never about smiles.

bruised

2009-04-16T15:28:00.005+08:00

):
i have to calm down.
i hate this and i hate crying.
how could they, how could they not have listed my name down there!
why! why the fuck!?
im a pure literature student who's in english drama club with okay english results and i behave and the interview went well,
and they gave me hints that i was going!
so why?
cause ive been going for counseling cause i cant deal with problems at home very well???
cause i have fucking problems, and everyone else who gets to go is happy???
cause you guys think i dont really want this and that i wouldnt care if i got to go to UK or not??
goddamnit this doesnt make sense!!!

everytime, every single fucking time i get my hopes up and want something so bad,
I END UP CRUSHED.
so i was right.
feelings do hurt you.
and if you want something so bad and look forward to it so much,
it'll never be as good as you thought.
never ever ever ever ever!

lalalalaaaaa nothing is turning out the way i want it to be~~~~
whats happeninggggggggg

--

so sweetie make it all go away
fly me to Pluto again.

tgio

2009-04-14T22:23:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, syf went well.
it was pretty good and we didnt go over the time limit for our play.
right now we're hoping for the best and expecting the worst.
some of us went all-out to the best of our abilities, and some of us could have done better.
but whatever, THANK GOD ITS OVER!

its so retarded how we have to wait 2 - 3 weeks for the results.
oh foooooooooooo~

today i wasnt quite azimah in school and i dont know why.
i couldnt do a single question in the math test. instead, i slept through the paper.
and the midyears are coming and im still fucking lazy.
wake up wake up wake up!

i need to start revising.
so tomorrow i should go to starbucks and study for thursday's chemistry test!

damn son, this post is really boring and its probably cause i feel like poop now so well, im sorry if you got bored or if im not interesting anymore and i dont care whether any of you read this wretched blog anymore cause honestly im just really tiredddd.

pluto and stars

2009-04-10T14:06:00.004+08:00

(photographs taken by Anxx ♥ )

i am never wise with other people, unless they dig deep and capture my heart. i am never gloomy, i am never cruel. though often i would like to be, it is my impossibility. sometimes i think i should just dip my head under the waters of depression, and not surface until somebody fishes me out, pale and bloated and cadaverous.
but the king calls, and you dab your body dry on your journey back to the court, turning your black tears into tears of laughter.

hahaha, i feel loopy. its two in the afternoon but it feels like seven in the evening. i was up all night drawing in my book, when i should have been going through my nocturnal science revision. fuck that. i've been making the most exquisite spelling mistakes this morning. i remember laying in bed too, staring at the ceiling until my eyes lost focus, only half thinking: if i gave up now and just stoned, i don't think i'd even notice myself growing older.

i felt positively kinky in my black laced bra and undies this morning.
um, actually, i didnt feel much else but kinky. i almost cried because i thought i'd lost my feelings for a while. then i ate an egg and slept with my head on the kitchen table for about thirty seconds and remembered that i did have substance, it will probably just be static for a while.

well, honestly, i'm just tired. just tired of keeping a stiff upper lip and being the lively, innovative, upbeat one, who has to radiate all of this synthetic joy and sympathy. all the fucking time. its laborious. it might preserve my mood and my aquaintances, but god knows what it saps from me.
i'm not really anything at all but try hard and get up and go.
sometimes i think i ought to let everyone down, just so that i can show them my naked soul.

and today i'll be going to Pluto to watch amazing stars.

silver and black moonlight.

2009-04-08T22:02:00.005+08:00

im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle im not a sad turtle but maybe i am but i dont really know cause i cant make up my mind!!!!!

woohoo i get off lessons early tomorrow because i get excused for drama rehearsals which stretch to about 5.30 and i have no fucking idea how im going to reach toa payoh by 5.45 for live and fucking loaded so i dont know if im going tomorrow. no fucking way am i going there in school uniform. what the hell lor.

friday im excited friday im excited friday im excited cause i have no school and no drama no school and no drama no school and no drama and i have a new tutor who's pretty amazing but im a little more amazing so we are amazing people who live in a sad sad world!

and then saturday i have drama again, the last drama rehearsal before monday, competition day. hopefully i end a little early so i can catch this gig and meet my friends i miss a whole lot and when i say alot i mean ALOT. sayang koraaaaaaaaaaangggg.

uhhuhh and im craving for icecream and/or popsickle, you know the traffic light juicy popsickle i can never eat properly cause it melts all over my hand and i'd have to lick my palm and everything. and after that my lips would be all swollen and red cause the popsickle's really cold but of course because it wouldnt make sense if a popsickle was hot cause it would mean hot popsickle juice and i dont know if the world has any of that.

maybe i should try.
oh and im going to pierce something soon, i mean it!
after syf, saaaaaaaap!

i am the worm on a hook.

2009-04-08T20:57:00.004+08:00

Im finding it incredibly hard to look at them in the eye. There's so much concern in their faces it hurts me to look.

"Why aren't you happy anymore, Azimah?" she asks plaintively.

I couldnt speak because my throat had filled with tears.

How pathetic Azimaggggggg!!!
stop it.
okay azimah.

i miss you!

2009-04-04T22:25:00.003+08:00

lol so yesterday i was fine.
today uhm not really, i dont know!

maybe cause a facebook quiz said i was spicy poop.
ahahahaha spicy poop with little red things in it.

and another one said my parents should have named me Annie.
puke now 321!

okay so this girl,
she annoyed me today,
she was stubborn and i dont like stubborn people.
not one bit, no sir.

it ticks me off like when you wanna poke the last fishball with a fork and then it keeps rolling everywhere and then it slips off your plate and then you dont get to eat the fishball cause now its probably fcking contaminated!

and i realised that noone really is kind hearted and nice and shit
everyones a fcking hypocrite
even me!

i wanted to go out today and yesterday
but shit happens and shit did happen so everything was kinda shitty~

but thank god im going out tomorrow woohuuwoootutututu.
but lets all hold hands and pray i dont get lost in wdlnds.
wdlnds is weird.
ooh maybe i can meet hanes :O !

okay i need sleep.
and new pictures.
damnit and lose more weight.
8 kilos aint enough fomo~~~

you always finish before you start.

2009-04-03T20:17:00.003+08:00

i have;
no reason to be sad,
no reason to be mad,
no reason to be depressed about,
for now.

cause i dont feel a thing.
im just so tired.

___

oh yeah by the way theres a really high possibility of me really going to the UK.
the interview went well and i feel all wiggly and so excited about it.
UK baby, YOU the KAY. -.-

my SYF's on the 13th and hopefully our hardwork would pay off.
we've put blood, sweat and everything into this.
gold with honours please!
hummanah hummanah so yeah ive been busy with Drama and school and some shit at home so i havent been updating much.

im losing faith in almost everything
because almost everything is losing faith in me
and i can feel this happening
its like the life in me is being taken out slowly.
haha how pathetic why do you do this azimah why!

i need Shai's happy pills.
chill, theyre strepsils with happy faces drawn on the bubble thingies.
so cute.

and hell yeah you're exactly what i thought you were!
surprise, surprise.
im not counting on you to make me feel better anymore.
i make myself happy.
i buy myself icecream.

paddlepop!

sapppppp birthday!

2009-04-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

(HAHAHA gambar legend. Take care uh rambut ahahha.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZRIIIII/AJIEEEE!!!♥

Yeahhh ive been saving this picture up for a long time for this birthday of this special friend of mine. Hahaha so cute lor dont you think. xD Okay Ajie, thanks for being there when i needed someone to talk to and for always understanding when i do stupid things. Although sometimes i feel like biting your head off cause your ways of trying to make me feel better, i always end up cracking up to your little random jokes and stuff. You've been like a brother to me eventhough ive known you for only about a year or more(Siasia anak azmi lol). We've had our ups and downs and highs and lows but youre still bobopopajie! Have fun on your birthday okay, mambo. I will mail Lilly Allen to you together with Mary Kate Olsen to your doorstep okay Ajie, first thing in the morning. (isap!) Haha uggh i could go on and on talking about you but i have to stop because i would seem psycho. So once again, Happy 19th Birthday Ajie, ily! Everyone does! ♥

indifferent.

2009-03-30T23:16:00.001+08:00

not your fucking business!

2009-03-28T17:21:00.003+08:00

I dont know how to feel. The week passes in a mixture of surprises. I have done well in my CAs. Not, perhaps, as well as i should have, but certainly not as bad as i thought it would be.

What's going on?

Everything is going the other way round.

Why are the nights getting longer?

I am so tired. I cant even feel my body anymore. I dont feel happy, or angry, or disgusted, or sad. But my brain tells me i should feel something. Am i severing my emotions along with my veins? But surely thats a reason to continue? Feelings hurt you. I dont want to feel anything. If you feel happy, something bad is bound to come along and spoil it. If youre looking forward to something, it'll never turn out to be as good as you thought. And feeling bad is just, the bottom of the pit. There is no light; no hope. It makes no sense. I make no sense.

If you dont feel anything then you can never be dissappointed.

--

Okay so much for typing a long post this time. But im heading out in a few minutes, with my family. Yeah so maybe some other time. Wuuhuuu i feel like getting piercings. Hmm belly? Errrrr..

garr!

2009-03-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

someone asked me a question today.
sure, people have asked me all sorts of questions, but not this one.
and this question silenced me.
i really couldnt speak and i went blank.
i couldnt answer and i swear its fucking bothering me.
but i dont know where to find the answer.

gotta get me some luvin' ~~~
lol

okay the next post will be something long and like a real post so sorry i havent been blogging properly. fuck that, this blog is fucking dead anyway.

off off off off offf offffffffffff

2009-03-23T17:21:00.001+08:00

thinspiration!

your pulse in my chest will die.

2009-03-21T15:16:00.001+08:00

theres no turning back now.
and i love it.

what the fuck part 2

2009-03-20T23:02:00.002+08:00

"ive heard stories about you.they say you only wanted the "famous" guys in the scene."

L-O-FUCKING-L???

thanks so much for bitching!

fuck all of you kthxbye!

three words; what the fuck.

2009-03-20T13:58:00.005+08:00

i dont want this, and i dont really need it.
im not the one that you want, i'll always let you down.
and you know it.
im sorry.

i am completely discontent with how many different things are going on right now.

enough.

im done with this shit.

i just wont give a flying fuck anymore.