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im azimah. im fifteen. im not really anything at all, but i try my best to get up and go. okay and this blog's pretty depressing. articulate links Myspace Multiply Ajie Berg Elmmy♥ Farhan Fhamy Hanes Julz Mondre Naem Nerd Raudhah Ryemie Sakina Sofie backtrack March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 |
Friday, April 10, 2009
2:06 PM  (photographs taken by Anxx ♥ )i am never wise with other people, unless they dig deep and capture my heart. i am never gloomy, i am never cruel. though often i would like to be, it is my impossibility. sometimes i think i should just dip my head under the waters of depression, and not surface until somebody fishes me out, pale and bloated and cadaverous. but the king calls, and you dab your body dry on your journey back to the court, turning your black tears into tears of laughter. hahaha, i feel loopy. its two in the afternoon but it feels like seven in the evening. i was up all night drawing in my book, when i should have been going through my nocturnal science revision. fuck that. i've been making the most exquisite spelling mistakes this morning. i remember laying in bed too, staring at the ceiling until my eyes lost focus, only half thinking: if i gave up now and just stoned, i don't think i'd even notice myself growing older. i felt positively kinky in my black laced bra and undies this morning. um, actually, i didnt feel much else but kinky. i almost cried because i thought i'd lost my feelings for a while. then i ate an egg and slept with my head on the kitchen table for about thirty seconds and remembered that i did have substance, it will probably just be static for a while. well, honestly, i'm just tired. just tired of keeping a stiff upper lip and being the lively, innovative, upbeat one, who has to radiate all of this synthetic joy and sympathy. all the fucking time. its laborious. it might preserve my mood and my aquaintances, but god knows what it saps from me. i'm not really anything at all but try hard and get up and go. sometimes i think i ought to let everyone down, just so that i can show them my naked soul. and today i'll be going to Pluto to watch amazing stars. TOP OF PAGE |
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